I want to be a ballerina

You know how all little girls want to be princesses? Not me. I wanted to be a ballerina. I loved the shoes. I still want a pair of ballet shoes - real ballet shoes, the kind you lace up your leg and then stand on your toes to dance in. A bright red pair would be awesome. I've always had this love for ballet. Ever since I was a small child I've looked forward to Christmas so I could go see the Nutcracker. I've probably seen 20 different versions. Sadly, when I was growing up, ballet classes weren't offered. If you wanted to take dance, you took tap or jazz. So, instead, I took art lessons. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVED taking art, and I wouldn't change that for the world. It's just, every now and then, I really regret not being able to take ballet too. Ballet dancers have such a muscularly graceful body without looking like a body builder. They are lean, and beautiful in their movements - and have such poise!

Anyway, I recently found an adult ballet class in the town where I work. I'm seriously contemplating joining this summer. I would join now, but it's on Monday nights and I currently have graduate classes on Monday nights so that won't work. Now, I don't have any desires to be a professional ballet dancer, there's no way at my age that that's even possible. The absolute LATEST you could start taking ballet classes to be able to build the skill and strength to professionally dance is 12. By 18, if you're not signed to a company, your career is pretty much over before it starts. Professional dancers then retire at the latest by around 30. So, starting ballet at 23 is not going to lead to a professional career - it's just not possible. However, I do want to dance for me. I want to build the strength for me and develop that lean dancers body. My utmost aspiration would be able to build my way up to be able to do ballet on pointe - the type of ballet that you immediately think of when you think of a ballerina - on the tip of you toes.

A few years ago, in one of my strong yearning moods to be a ballerina, I purchased a ballet workout dvd from the New York City Ballet Company. I LOVE IT. I get it out any time I'm really missing ballet. It not only is an intense workout for strength and flexibility, it helps me remember that ballet is not as easy as they make it look. I am by no means coordinated enough to be a professional dancer, and, my feet are pretty flat - a curse in the ballet world. However, doing the dvd makes me feel like I'm in a ballet class - like I'm working my way there. So, until I work up the courage to take the adult class - that will probably be filled with 12yr olds.... I'll continue my dvd.

Broad Confessions....

Hello......Hello......Anybody there?

Can't say I really expected you to be, it's been a month since my last post. What can I say? I'm not a daily update kinda girl. Anyway, I thought it was about time to bring you all up to speed on my current weight-loss progress, well more like lack of... So, here you go. My confessions for the past month.

1. I'm currently back up to my weight b/4 the holidays. At my lightest, I've weighed 163. Tonight I weighed in at 171. Ever since the holidays I've had a hard time getting back on the weight-loss track.

2. I've been eating REALLY badly. I'm talking taco bell, pizza hut, Ruby Tuesday's badly. Lots of salty, fatty foods.... which leads me to think that a good portion of my weight gain is water weight.

3. I've been avoiding exercise. Avoiding like the plague. After the first two days of the shred, I really didn't want to exercise anymore. Then, the show I exercise to, Glee (the best workout show EVER) went on winter hiatus and won't be back till April. I lost my motivation. That is until I saw the scale creep back up. I started my exercise back up yesterday. I'm sore tonight, but totally worth it.

4. I've quit taking phentermine and I can tell it's out of my system... I still have a few pills left, but I am trying to make it to my goal without them. I need to be able to maintain my weight-loss w/out pharmaceuticals.

5. I'm an emotional eater w/little will power. My will power has increased slightly since my weight-loss began, but I still catch myself eating when I get stressed.

6. Over Christmas, and New Year's, I discovered the awesomness of blended coffee drinks. THIS IS A BAD THING. I do not like coffee, but I LOVE blended coffee drinks. Problem here, one mocha java chiller from Sonic is 538 calories! That's a MEAL! Except, i drink it WITH A MEAL. not good, not good... but they're sooooo tasty!

Well, there you have it, my confessions for the month. I've officially hit a snag in my regime. Yet, yesterday I started to correct myself. I'm trying to be more aware of my food again and I've begun to exercise daily. I'm working to be at my goal by my birthday in mid April. That's a very reasonable goal. It's 20lbs in 3ish months. Hopefully, by this summer, I can actually wear a swim suit that is cute and i'm not ashamed of.

I'll try to keep you updated. If not, I'm sure I'll post in another month ;o)

Laters blog world!